First Poem I Ever Wrote: And Why Its Hideous

I took a creative writing class in high school with my friend Julie (who's a good writer). It was here that I wrote my first poem. I probably won't catch everything that's awful about this one but I'll give it a try. I think we see people after they've put in the time at something and we mistakenly think that they were always at this "finished product" point. We then look at our own work and fall into depression. We suck! We'll always suck! That's just the way it is. Well, no it isn't.

Here's my first poem:

Outcast

I step out of the shadows
Screaming in the void
The world offers no solace
life's something to avoid

My eyes reflect no feeling
My heart gives off no warmth
My soul is aching, empty
I'm crying in the dark

Life is but a mockery
Mingled with contempt
Hollow laughter is consumed
By sorrow and regret

This world is full of worthless games
tinged with our despair
If only I was worthy
If only I could care

~~~

I apologize for the delay in commenting I'm throwing up in my mouth.

Whew!

In my defense, and there's little of that, I was in highschool. It was decades before goth or emo. I had never written a poem before and it shows.

What is wrong with it:

It's a dairy entry. It's me talking about that infinite sadness that only seems true at 17. There is no imagery at all. Poems are meant for the most part to show what they mean. There are cliches (screaming in the void, soul, etc). The syntax is forced and "poetic" in all the wrong ways (My soul is aching empty, Life is but a mockery). There is nothing concrete to grasp onto. It is a bunch of linked abstactions. It attempts rhyme--because poetry is supposed to rhyme right--and ignores meter. Nothing at all redeemable.

I was likely listening to too much Oingo Boingo when I wrote it (though in fairness to the band they never wrote anything this bad.

This is the first step in the journey (and I promise not to walk you through the full twenty years of bad poems.